Screams and the clash of swords shattered through my restless sleep. I shot up in bed, the dagger I kept under my pillow already in my hand, poised for defense. A careful and searching gaze around my sparsely furnished room assured me that there was no danger immediately apparent. A long jump from the edge of my bed to the corner a few feet away ensured that anyone hiding in the small space beneath the bed would not be able to trip me. I quick glance under the bed finalized the security of the room.
Without turning on the lights, and careful not to make much noise, I pulled on my leather pants, white cotton blouse, and black knee high boots. I buckled a thigh scabbard for a second dagger over my pants, then threaded the scabbard of my sword onto my belt and secured it around my hips. I whipped my waist-length raven hair into a long braid draped over my shoulder. I grabbed my bow and quiver full of new arrows. I was ready for battle.
- Starts right in the middle of the action
- In action scenes, keep descriptions short! You want the reader to get anxious, don’t waste “breath” on which corners of the room are checked, it’s empty, move on
- What’s at stake? The MC expected war (dagger under her pillow). Is she concerned about someone? Her life?
- Mix in some dialogue to cut the narration
- Descriptions are forced. Check out this link to help yourself out. Nobody would say “I whipped my waist-length raven hair into a long braid draped over my shoulder”
- Make sure your MC is unique. It’s early to say, but she does remind me of a certain...
Cut in your narration with dialogue and work on your descriptions and your voice.
Screams and the clash of swords shattered through my restless sleep. I shot up in bed, the dagger under my pillow already in my hand.
“Adam! Adam!” I whispered. No answer. The house seemed empty. They haven’t found me yet, but where’s Adam?
I scampered out of bed and pulled on my clothes, layered with all the weapons I owned: a thigh scabbard for my second dagger and my sword dangling from my belt. I put bow and quiver over my shoulder and winced, as it pulled my hair.
I swear I’m gonna cut it all! I pushed my unkempt braid out of the way, and ran out to face battle.
I hope this helped ^_^
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