I’ve learned with time that the best pick-up line a girl can use is I’m in an open relationship. Guys get this holy shit look on their faces, like they finally got the key to some forbidden door. You see, they always thought you were off limit, because you were ‘that girl with a boyfriend’ and therefore, you pretty much didn’t exist to their eyes. But now, since you bothered to tell them, that, it must be for a reason. Their eyes lit up and you just know what they’re thinking: “SCORE!”
Now, with girls, it’s quite another story. I don’t use pick-up lines on them – they’ve heard them all from the men. No, with girls, I just need to feel the chemistry. I usually just get a drink with them, as I would with any of my friends, and something in their eyes tells me if they’re up for something more, you know?
I’m always honest, though. It sucks to sleep with someone and then you expect it to maybe turn into something more but then you realize they already are in a relationship. So I’m always upfront about it. I always make sure people know I have a boyfriend before I sleep – or go on a date – with them.
- Strong voice, colloquial, very much “in the moment”
- Overall well written
- A bit repetitive, I would trim your style a bit to make it punchier and move to the point. In my edit I cut quite a bit, maybe losing some of your voice. If you know what I’m trying to do and agree, rewrite it in your own voice not to adulterate your style as much :)
- Be consistent with your formatting. If you use italics to stress words don’t switch to quotes half way through
- You use “just” and “always” a lot (3 times each in 200 words!), also, even if you are using a colloquial style, try to limit adverb use (-ly words)
- Watch your commas. You don’t want to create fragment sentences (some are okay in the colloquial style you are using, but some are unnecessary and cut the narration). Cheat sheet here to comma use
“I’m in an open relationship.” Best pick-up line ever, at least for guys. They get this holy shit look on their faces, as you go from the off limit girl with a boyfriend to available and interested.
Now, with girls, it’s quite another story.They heard all the pick-up lines from the guys. No, with girls I just need to feel the chemistry. I get a drink with them, as I would with any of my friends, and sometimes something in their eyes tells me they’re up for something more, you know?
Either way I’m always honest upfront, though, no ties or relationships. I am no jerk and I do have a boyfriend.
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